Sorry for the lack of updates. The Toff has been kidnapped by pirates (or gone on vacation or something) and I’ve been left to finish the August issue by myself!

Anyway, have you seen the marketing campaign for APB? Basically they’ve suckered some guy into being a Human Avatar. The Internet will give him a complete makeover, in the style of the character customization tool from the game. New haircut, new piercings, new tattoos, new clothes – the works.

The Internet being what it is, predictably, they’ve voted for him to get the worst haircut and the most painful piercing possible (a large gauge septum piercing a.k.a a snout ring). Next up: giant angel wings tattooed across his back.

Surprised by APB’s extreme marketing tactics? You shouldn’t be. You see the games industry kind of has this whole history of crazy marketing schemes:

5. Free Gas Day

Game: Mercenaries 2: World In Flames
To promote Mercs 2, EA decided to take over a gas station in L.A. and offer free gas all day (or until the pump ran out).

EA then brought the idea across the pond to England’s capital city where, well…it wasn’t quite as successful.

It’s not that no-one showed up, quite the opposite actually. Due to the massive amount of congestion and traffic caused by the EA stunt, police had to shut the operation down a mere four hours after it started.

4. Body Part Treasure Hunt

Game: Resident Evil 5
To promote Resident Evil 5, Capcom decided to have a treasure hunt competition in London. Sounds like a great idea, but then they thought, ‘hey we’ll use fake body parts and cover them with chicken liver to make it more realistic.’ Um…

Somewhat unsurprisingly, many people complained. Perhaps more worryingly, many of the body parts went missing. What exactly are people doing with dismembered torsos and bits of arms?

3. Break Into A Car: Win Stuff!

Game: Red Faction: Guerilla
What is it with London that lets you get away with this stuff? Presumably to promote Red Faction: Guerilla’s realistic destruction engine, THQ packed a car with a hundred copies of the game, put a sledgehammer nearby and waited for a bald headed Guy Ritchie gangster looking fellow to pick it up and have a swing.

I’m not even sure he took a copy of the game afterwards.

2. Sin To Win

Game: Dante’s Inferno
Dante’s Inferno was already in marketing overdrive mode when they started rickrolling journalists and sending them checks to tempt them into committing deadly sins. So at Comic-Con 2009 they went the extra mile by inviting attendees to “commit acts of lust” on their booth babes.

Prizes for winning included: a night with the hottest girl at comic con, dinner, booty and more. (”and more” what?)

An invitation to grope booth babes and then spend the night with them? The only thing that could top this would be to throw an actual orgy…oh wait.

1. Topless Babes and a Decapitated Goat

Game: God Of War 2
To celebrate the release of God Of War 2 (or perhaps that was just the excuse they used) Sony threw a debauched party akin to the Bacchanalia of ancient Greece. Babes walked around topless serving wine and dropping grapes into people’s mouths; there was a dead goat on a slab; some reports include a snake pit and possibly offal of some kind. Also, soup may have been served.

Reports of the event are hazy at best, even from those that attended, which probably tells you everything you need to know.