Frequent readers of this column will know that one of my favorite targets for ridicule is the Sega CD game, Wild Woody, a salacious romp through America’s heartland that lets you live out your fantasies of being an anthropomorphic pen…cil.

However, it has come to my attention that Wild Woody does not live alone in this house of questionable names, oh no, he has friends. Lots of them.

5. Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom

Yes, Princess Peach has a fruit for a name, no Princess Peach is not an actual peach.

4. Beyond The Beyond

Beyond The Beyond is here, not just for its completely useless name (beyond what?), but also for its many examples of what I like to refer to as superlative fantasy naming syndrome. For example, when the lair of the villain, Castle Nightmare, is located in the Swamp of Eternal Blackness, found in the shadow of the Mountain of Death.

In the case of Beyond the Beyond, the eternal struggle between the forces of good and evil is fought between “The Beings of Light” and “The Warlocks Of The Underworld”. Yes. Weren’t they a power metal band in the 80s?

3. Eggs of Steel: Charlie’s Eggcellent Adventure

What is it with game designers and food? Is there a proven correlation between playing video games and enjoying a hearty meal or something? Am I, as a gamer, excited by the mere thought of food, and thus more likely to buy a game with a food themed character? And why an egg? Eggs are the most boring food type I can think of.

What are the Eggs of Steel in the title even referring to? Does the cover character have “eggs of steel”, so to speak? Is he himself the Steel Egg in question? Who knows. Beats Princess Potato for having both a delicious (terrible) pun and a reference to Bill and Ted in the title.

2. Divine Divinity

As opposed to Atheist Divinity. Other titles planned in the series include: Holy Holiness, Spiritual Spirituality, Devout Devoutness, Pietistic Piety and Omnipresent Omnipresence.

1. Sticky Balls

Yeaaah.