It’s been a weird month for WoW here at the GameAxis offices. One of our colleagues quit playing, I talked two others into starting to play, our guild imploded and I found out that all of my editor’s characters are female. Including the one named Rick. wtf?

As I mentioned above, I recently talked two friends into trying WoW for the first time. They seem to be enjoying themselves. I haven’t seen one of them in real life since he started playing. I hear he posted a YouTube video of himself soloing The Lich King yesterday. Hmm.

But what if you too want to lure some suckers into crippling video game addiction just so you can ride around on a fancy zip-bra and get a month of free game time. Well, here’s how I did it:

5. Save Money By Abandoning All Your Real Life Friends

Going out costs money. There’s all sorts of factors like transportation and eating at places where they charge you for delivering the food to your table. Not to mention pesky stuff like buying new clothes so your friends don’t think your entire wardrobe consists of one pair of jeans and that tee shirt your mom gave you last year for your birthday.

No-one knows if you play an MMO naked. I’m just saying.

4. Be On The Cutting Edge Of Memes

Confused and frightened by the lolwut pear? Don’t know who Chuck Norris is or what he’s capable of? (dividing by zero, among other things). Want to learn how to draw a ROFLCOPTER and other pictures using just your keyboard?

Get educated by turning on the public chat channels in any popular MMO – it’s like going to 4chan, but without the irritable case of soul herpes that comes from lurking on their forums for too long.

3. Learn How To Efficiently (And Effectively) Communicate

Wasting your time forming proper sentences? Hampered by ridiculously outdated concepts like grammar? Playing an MMO will increase your efficiency by reducing all forms of communication into succinct and precise strings of acronyms. OMGWTFAFKBRBGGPKKTHXBAI!

Protip: Using all caps is a helpful and friendly courtesy to your fellow players, making your sentences easier to read.

2. Learn More About Your Fellow Man

MMOs let you join guilds, and form tight bonds and relationships, all based around the common goal of teamwork.

If you spend time and put in the effort, the people you play with will stop being faceless names, sharing their interests with you and becoming real people. People you can blackmail. For profit.

1. E-Peen

In real life, you’re a phone receptionist for a company that sells tiny clothing for dogs on the Internet.

Online you can be Ron’Tar, The Soul Eroder, Scourge Of Humanity, The Ender Of Worlds. New players will go blind from merely gazing at the sheer awesomeness of your awesomeness. Then promptly ask you for gold.