Swine Flu turned out to to be the most overrated disease of 2009. For a while, it was the scariest thing imaginable; until Ris Low came along.

But with the entire office struck down by the plague – or so it seems – Swine Flu is once again on my mind. To be fair, turning into a pig doesn’t seem all that bad when you compare it to some of the dangers lurking in the video game world.

5. Red, Yellow and Blue Viruses; alternate strain: Black, White and Grey Viruses

Game: Dr. Mario
Symptoms: Rapidly decreasing screen space.
Risk Factors: Lack of vitamins.
Prognosis: Frustration.

4. Corrupted Blood

Game: World Of Warcraft circa September 2005
Symptoms: Large blobs of blood randomly exploding from your head.
Risk Factors: Battling The Blood God, Hakkar The Soulflayer; standing around in the Auction House.
Prognosis: A quick trip to the spirit world for anyone not level 60. Followed by immediate re-infection upon returning to life.

3. Rust Lung

Game: Gears Of War 2
Symptoms: Coughing/vomiting up dark brown colored liquid; severe chest pain; trouble breathing; scaring away Tai and Dom.
Risk Factors: Breathing anywhere near vaporised Imulsion.
Prognosis: Apparently curable with a ‘medium strength anti-histamine’ (according to the in-game medical notes) – more likely: death.

2. Technocyte Virus (the other T-virus)

Game: Dark Sector
Symptoms: Transformation of skin into metallic substance; large, bladed, triangular boomerang like object growing out of hand.
Risk Factors: Being stabbed in the arm by a giant metal monster; living in Eastern Europe.
Prognosis: Super powers if you’re immune to pain; otherwise: insanity and eventual death.

1. T-Virus

Game: Resident Evil Series
Symptoms: Unpleasant odor; extreme hunger; reduced IQ; acute shuffling; some mutation.
Risk Factors: Hanging out in creepy mansions; playing with red eyed dogs; Africa – apparently.
Prognosis: Undeath; followed by the humiliation of being shot by a woman who hunts zombies dressed like a hooker, but with a sweater jauntily tied around her waist in case it gets cold: