While we’ve seen a lot of winners here and there, let’s also not forget that it was also a time of losers. We’ve definitely seen our fair share of stinkers, ranging from the Move and Kinect’s own interpretation of Fight Club, to even Beer Pong on the Wii (what?). Here are your worst titles of 2010, categorized equally by each platform.
Well, almost all of the platforms: I can’t seem to find one DS or PSP game I played this year that really infuriated me because of its crappiness.
Anyway, on with the worst:
Worst Xbox 360 Exclusive – Sonic Free Riders
You hold your partner’s hands to activate stupid sprinkly combo s*** while gyrating and trying to move your damn anthropomorphic avatar to no avail. You will also struggle for dear life as you access the simplest of commands with the options and menu navigation. This pseudo-Mario Kart clone with gesture control is an utter failure; so much so that the Sonic of 1992 can somehow see into the future and say “God, I’m totally boned.”
Worst PS3 Exclusive – Last Rebellion
Developer A: Final Fantasy’s battle system is fun and all, but it goes by too fast. How can we solve this conundrum?
Developer B: I know! Make each battle as convoluted and as stretched out as possible by letting your two party members target the limbs of your enemies individually. Oh, and these are random battles, not specific boss battles we’re talking about.
Developer A: Let’s also top off these monotonous and stretched out dullfest fights with asinine storytelling and narrative, as well as make our graphics look like they came from 2000.
Developer B: We are geniuses; now we let Nippon Ichi publish it so that stupid JRPG lovers will buy that game and at the same time defend it high fervor despite us half-assing this project.
Developer A: God, I love our fans.
Worst PC Exclusive – Elemental: War of Magic
What was that saying again? “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”, was it? As much as Stardock wants to make a game that’s like a combination of Masters of Magic and Heroes of Might & Magic I-IV (seriously, it’s a damn good idea), it all went downhill due to the game’s unstableness and multitude of bugs. Defend it all you want, PC fanboys, but a really broken-down piece of crap, no matter how novel the concept, is still a broken-down piece of crap.
Worst Wii Exclusive – Babysitting Mama
A mascot chef with broken English now part-times as a babysitter in Wiimote-gesturing activities that’s about as accurate with its baby-caring as to how accurate Black Ops is to a real war gunfight. Do I really need to spell this one out for you? Hell, just hold and cradle one of these….things above and tell me if you’re having fun with the game or not.
Worst Multi-Platform Game – Quantum Theory
This game is basically the ill-effects of cut-copying-and-pasting an idea. Tecmo Koei’s ‘finest’ borrows ‘inspiration’ from other successful titles and not even bothering to elevate beyond that nor even finding out what made one of their obvious influences, Gears of War, good in the first place. The controls aren’t natural even if it’s completely ripped off from its inspiration, there isn’t much tossed in to make the cover-based shooting mechanic fresh, the art direction and design is beyond derivative (hello water balloon-exploding enemies!), and the tag-team and “living tower” bits are wholly under-used.
If there’s anything positive about this abortion, the name is kinda spiffy.