10. Wii Hitman
It seems to me that the coolest game controller ever invented is suffering from massive underachievement status right now. When I first heard about the wiimote I imagined my cardboard tube lightsaber swinging days were over, alas I still await a decent lightsaber game on the Wii. The other thing I always want to do with the wiimote is sneak up behind people and use the nunchuk to silently garrote them. I don’t know why, maybe I’m getting residual memories from a previous life of crime and assassinations, maybe I’m just inclined that way. Either way, why hasn’t someone ported Hitman to the Wii to let me take out my urges on an NPC before I end up with a dead body in my house and people asking way too many questions. Again.
9. The Sims: Saw Expansion Pack
So, speaking of dead bodies. I know I’m not the only one who gets bored of their Sims and starts throwing parties to see how many sadistic ways there are to kill off the neighbors, right? My personal favorites are: 2 x 2 room with no doors or windows, death by flies caused by excessive waste due to no toilets or bins, and the ever popular drowning in a pool with no ladders (honestly, you deserve to die if you can’t get out of a swimming pool without a ladder). Once you’ve had fun with that though, you start to wish you could move on to more elaborate death traps, like…you know, those Venus Headtraps from the Saw movies. Guaranteed to make you the most popular (and only) person in your neighborhood.
8. Sim Lucas
Oh that George Lucas. How fun his life must be, living in his tower made of gold, sitting on his throne cut from the world’s biggest diamond. Fact: George Lucas uses 100 dollar bills to clean his ass, not because he’s that rich, but because he likes the feel only a crisp hundred can provide to his nether regions. This game lets you live life as Overlord Lucas. Control a massive franchise and kill the childhood dreams of star wars fanboys everywhere! The more spirits you crush with every release of the next part of your Epic Star Wars Saga, the more points you get! Bonus soul crushing points every time you come up with a genius idea like a Rastafarian space alien.
7. Stripping Mama: The College Years
Ever wonder how Mama paid her way through those community cooking classes? Now mom AND dad can enjoy borrowing your DS!
6. Pokemon Online Adventures
The Pokemon games are the greatest MMORPG series…that isn’t MMO. I really don’t understand why this one hasn’t been made yet. All those NPC trainers you have to battle on your way to the gyms could be real players. You could capture wild pokemon, or trade with other players online, or even sell them in the auction house. The best part is, you wouldn’t have to play as that annoying kid you’re always forced to be in the game.
5. Grand Theft Auto: London 1888
You think Liberty City and San Andreas were violent? Try London, circa the late 19th Century, home to Jack the Ripper and his friends. The period might as well already by straight out of a Rockstar game: kill and mutilate prostitutes, commit highway robbery by hijacking coaches, mug people in dark alleyways and, if I choose to believe recent movies as fact, kill people and put them in meat pies while singing a song about it.
4. Guitar Hero: Power Chord Rangers
You know that bitchin’ guitar solo in the Power Rangers theme tune? Was I the only one who rocked out with my tennis racket to that? Anyway, also included: Captain Planet, X-Men, Spiderman, Transformers, Scooby-Doo and more classic theme song cheese.
3. Video Game Industry Super Brawl
Damn that Hideo Kojima! Oh how I love Metal Gear Solid, if only I could understand what was going on – sometimes I just want to punch him in the face. Hey, that’s a good idea. Take that Denis Dyack! You too Hironobu Sakaguchi! Oh why did you leave?! Final Fantasy X will never be surpassed without you!
2. World Of Starcraft
This has been at the top of my list forever. Will they? Won’t they? Every time Blizzard announces they have a huge unveiling that will rock the world, I get all sweaty in my pants area in anticipation. Only to be let down by ANOTHER installation of Diablo. Yawn. How has a Starcraft MMO not happened yet? An MMO where you could actually yell "ZERG!" and have it make sense in the world of the game? Sigh, if only.
1. Wii Porn
You play as Rock Harding, amateur porn star trying to make it in the industry. Through the use of the Wiigasm peripheral (included) you embark on an epic quest of….(that’s enough of that).
All images credited to original source